is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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