The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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