I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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