Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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