I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
