I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
