five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
