I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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