yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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