i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
