i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
