I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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