Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
