just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize