Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
