I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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