you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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