when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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