he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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