I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
