how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
