can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
