I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
