Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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