Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
