flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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