It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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