I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
