conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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