Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
