I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
this will be a night to untag.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
