I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So much Jack, so little girl.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize