Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's the barista slut.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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