I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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