Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
