I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize