we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
