my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
