i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
