I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
