What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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