You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
