the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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