Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
