Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
