suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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