Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
