this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
