To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
