So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
