things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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