I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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