i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
