i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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