it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
