I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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