I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize