well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
