Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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