When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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