The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
