I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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