If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have aggressive nipples.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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