Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
