my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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