She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
