In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
