There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
