I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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