I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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