I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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