i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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