I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
